Electioneering

I will stop, I will stop at nothing.
Say the right things when electioneering
I trust I can rely on your vote.

When I go forwards you go backwards
and somewhere we will meet.
When I go forwards you go backwards
and somewhere we will meet.
Ha ha ha

Riot shields, voodoo economics,
it's just business, cattle prods and the I.M.F.
I trust I can rely on your vote.

When I go forwards you go backwards
and somewhere we will meet.
When I go forwards you go backwards
and somewhere we will meet.

- "Electioneering" by Radiohead on the legendary album, OK Computer

Iowa Bar Exam Results

I passed. Phew!

http://www.judicial.state.ia.us/wfdata/frame7117-1601/File16.pdf

Joshua Marlin Lasley

Well, Joshua Marlin Lasley is finally here:



For the full story, see Liss's blog: http://lisslasley.blogspot.com/

Now, to my side of the story. I was really, really proud of Liss. There's a reason that they make epidurals - it turns out giving birth is painful. She handled it really well, and didn't complain or whine about it. She's an amazing mother and an incredible wife. And she keeps giving me such beautiful sons. I don't deserve it.

It's really hard to go through the whole experience without contrasting it with our experience with Eli. As E was born, I didn't have the big emotional / spiritual rush that a lot of dads describe, but with Josh, I was overwhelmed at times by the strong feelings that I felt as he was born and as Liss was holding him for the first time. I felt truly amazed that God trusts us with these priceless children of his. I also felt that there was some sort of relationship between us that had started before this life. It is hard to clearly express, but it was a really deep feeling. With Eli, I didn't have the emotional / spiritual experience until later.

Anyway, Mom and baby are doing well. Eli is doing well with the revolution going on around here, and my Mom has been a life saver as she's stayed with us this week and been amazing with E and a bunch of housework (she did the laundry that I hate to do). Thanks Mama Lasley.

Overdue Date

As Tom Petty said, "The waiting is the hardest part." I don't know what's worse - waiting for the baby or waiting for the bar results.

Eli came about 30 minutes after his due date, but so far, Cochise is taking his sweet time. I guess he's comfy in there.

As far as the bar exam, I just want to know I can burn my BarBri books and force people to call me "Esquire Lasley." There's a part of me that is just horrified to even point my browser to the webpage with the results and another part that is calm as a Spring morning. The average of those two facets is a little tick in my eye when I think of it.

In other news, I saved up my allowance and bought a disc golf basket earlier in the week. I absolutely love it. I can practice putting in the basement.

Oil Prices

This week I've been happy to see oil prices, and in turn, gasoline prices begin to descend. I don't pretend to be a global economist, but I think this is possible evidence that oil really was "bubbled" by speculation. We all know about supply and demand and how that affects prices, but if prices were high because of market forces and not speculation, what created those high prices? It's not like the 1970s where there were actual shortages. I didn't see any long lines at the pump or rationing going on. (Although we know that demand in countries with blossoming economies - think China and India - is expanding at a very high rate.)

There are a few other reasons why oil prices are normalizing. The first one makes perfect sense. Oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico that were put out of production by Katrina are starting to come back online. The supply is increasing, so prices are going down and all the speculators are starting to think that betting on catastrophe was a bad idea.

The second reason for the prices drifting downward is more surprising. The Saudis have upped their output by about a million barrels per day. Forbes story. It turns out, in the new global economy (which no one really understands), the people who make profits from us need some place to invest their profits. They can't make money off of their money if our economy tanks.

I'm not sure whether I should be sad or glad about these new developments. The spectre of $200/barrel oil will force the hand of our energy-gluttonous nation. With energy prices through the roof, we'll have to come up with some better ways to power everything. With that threat now abating, at least in the short term, there will be less national outcry for energy independence.

I Survived the Bar Exam and Didn't Even Get a Tee-shirt

haze2 - /heɪz/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[heyz] - –verb (used with object), hazed, haz·ing.
1. to subject (freshmen, newcomers, etc.) to abusive or humiliating tricks and ridicule.
2.Chiefly Nautical. to harass with unnecessary or disagreeable tasks.

As the title indicates, I have completed the bar exam. Now I just have to sit around for 6 weeks praying that I passed.

I've decided that the bar exam is hazing. Most of the process could be properly and accurately defined as abusive, and the MPT, in particular, is an unneccessary and disagreeable task, so the bases are covered.

Not that the bar has come and gone, I'll be blogging more, so look for my dry wit to make a comeback as I decompress.

Anniversary

June 22 marks our six year anniversary. I want to publicly thank my dear wife, Melissa, for the joy and happiness she has given me in these last six years.

I so easily fell in love with her those seven years ago because of her wit, her sense of humor, her intelligence, her beauty, but above all - her goodness. She is a glowing example to me of kindness, gentleness, and righteousness.

I can easily say that I am still very much in love. The depth of my feelings has grown over the years as I couldn't have imagined. She is a wonderful wife, a devoted mother, a talented homemaker, and a precious friend. I love you, Liss.

Back on the 'Netz

We're back after a 5-day hiatus from internet activity. I wonder why the internet was out?

Maybe it's because Melissa took this picture a block from our house.

Lost Cause

Iowa City implemented a mandatory evacuation for the Normandy Drive neighborhood this morning.

The Battle for Normandy (Drive)

I changed my mind. Next time there is a natural disaster, I want to have already purchased one of these, with a snorkel, massive winch, and boom lift. Unimog, baby! With one, anything is possible. I still want that big cupholder.

The Normandy Drive Neighborhood is still above water for now.

Three days ago, one of the neighborhood guys asked if someone could drive the truck he was driving to move sandbags while he ran some errands. I volunteered, and spent the rest of the day backing down a really narrow bike path to the berm with 3k lbs. of sand in the back of the old F-150.

When he came back, I told him I was sorry for driving it like I stole it. He said it wasn't his truck, either. So I'd been beating a truck I borrowed from someone who had borrowed it. I offered to let him drive again, and he said he had watched me a bit and thought he couldn't do better. Eventually the owner of the truck came by and asked to get some tarps out of the toolbox. I acquiesced, of course. I helped build the berm behind his house the day before and he recognized me. He said to just keep at it.

Yesterday when I got out there at about 1pm, the guy from the day before said, "There's my driver - finally!" and threw me the keys to another truck. I spent the rest of that day loading and unloading it.

On another topic, there has been some in-fighting in the neighborhood. The city engineers came around and put in some stakes showing elevation a few days ago, and made some general predictions about where the river will crest. Some of the interior neighbors panicked and made a run on sandbags to do their own houses, even though most of them are 5-10 feet higher than the outer ring. When the sandbag loaders figured out what was going on, they started inquiring as to where bags were going before they would load outbound trucks. That led to a bit of a fracas.

One of the old guys who was sandbagging his own house finally walked out to see what was happening on the berm, and to haggle. He was yelling and swearing. We had a bit of an exchange. I couldn't get too worked up, my Bishop was standing right there. He yelled, "It's worthless, you're never going to build enough - you'd have to get all the way to the bluff for your berm to be worth a damn! That's almost 200 yards away!"

Yesterday we made it to the bluff.

Sandbagging Makes Me Tired

At church today, someone asked how to help with sandbagging. I said, "You find a pile of sand, and put it in a bag."

I'm not joking. That is what you do. For hours. And hours.

Then you take the bags, by any means available, to the berm and create a sandbag burrito. . . while trying not to punch crazy old ladies who are irrationally demanding of their volunteer grunt laborers. It's part artistry and part . . . sweat - lots of sweat.


Before the next natural disaster, I'm buying a Gator:

That way, while all the poor suckers are hucking 50-lbs. sacks of kitty litter, I'll be chillin' like a villain on my sweet green all-terrain-mini-delivery-truck. Can I get one with a cupholder? A big cupholder.

I'm not complaining. Sometimes you need to just man up and be a stout brother and hit someone in the chest with a tube full of silica.

Flood Watch 2008

The following is a portion of an e-mail I got from the University of Iowa today:

"The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has indicated that, based on recent and projected rainfall, there is concern that the water elevation in the Coralville Reservoir may reach the emergency spillway later this month. If that occurs, significant flooding can be expected in the Iowa City area. To reduce the risk of this occurring, the Corps increased the release rate from the Coralville Reservoir on Tuesday, June 3, to 10,000 cubic feet per second (cfs) and will increase the release rate again to 12,000 cfs possibly as soon as Thursday, June 5. Additional increases in release rates may be implemented in the coming days."

For the res to go over the spillway, it's going to have to get stinking high. We haven't had flooding like that around here since 1993. This aerial view of the reservoir and dam shows the spillway on the left side of the dam. In 1993, the water going over the spillway uprooted 30 ton chunks of bedrock and washed them downstream, exposing a Devonian Era fossil bed shown in the top picture, looking upstream to the spillway. They are already sandbagging around one of the dorms that is down near the river in Iowa City. If the water gets over the spillway, the Peninsula (my favorite disc golf course) will be toast.

'93 was a crazy time growing up in Southeast Iowa. I'd rather not repeat it. Especially now, when I need no (extra) distractions.

Dear Jolesch Photography,

Thank you for documenting my graduation and letting me steal tiny versions of the images from your website (without watermarks, even).

However, being unable to purchase any reasonable number of the photographs for less than the (dare I say) exorbitant price of $40 is ridiculous (thus the minor larceny). I don't appreciate the extortion. I imagine your business model, and really think you would make more money if you were reasonable. I bet more than half of my graduating class took a pass because you suck.

Sincerely,

Morgan

Preggo Dynamite

Liss and I watched "Juno" a few days ago. The only way I can describe this movie is thus: Napoleon Dynamite Gets Pregnant.

I'm not sure what to say about the movie. There are some positive things and some very negative things to say, too. If you've read Liss's blog, you know that we both thought the language was really crude. It wasn't swearing, exactly, but really crude.

I was impressed with how it approached the subject of teen pregnancy in such an accessible way, but it portrayed pregnancy and adoption as simple and easy, as if any teen could handle it. They did little to convey how long and difficult pregnancy is.

The movie seemed long to me, though. I haven't checked my watch that much since "Dances with Wolves." Diablo Cody obviously has some talent as a writer, but nobody talks like that. The dialog was forced and there were too many cutesy phrases. I felt like she took the entire body of slang and tried to force it in every line. It was painful at times.

On the other hand, I laughed so hard that I cried. The dialog between the parents, right after she breaks the news of her pregnancy, is priceless. Pure comedic gold, baby.

Pork and Beans

My post entitled "Another Reason American Music is Dying" elicited an unprecedented volume of responses (2 comments), so I felt that it would be irresponsible of me to not present the counterpoint to the assertions made there.

I intend this post to be both a music review and a social commentary. To start, I ask the reader to view the following music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI

Don't read any further until you have watched the video.















No, really, don't read any further until you have watched the video.





Okay. Thanks for finally following directions. The video you just watched is "Pork and Beans" by Weezer. This is the first single from Weezer's highly anticipated Red Album.

This is one of only a few mainstream American bands that is still worth listening to. I also love the Foo Fighters. One of the reasons I like these bands is that they don't take themselves too seriously. Watch that video. Look at that mustache and cowboy hat on the album cover to the right. That is not taking yourself too seriously. For evidence of the Foo Fighters not taking themselves too seriously, please see the video for Learn to Fly.

For my actual review of the Pork and Beans video, I want to talk a little about all of the crazy web-based and pop culture references in this video. The reason I wanted you, the reader, to watch the video first is so that my comments about it would not spoil your enjoyment of the video by making it too cerebral.

The entire video, debuting on YouTube, is making fun of YouTube videos! It starts with the band, each at their computer in their bedroom, being recorded by the now-ubiquitous webcam. One of the quarters of the screen becomes a mildly familiar fat kid with headphones (I'm sure he had an earlier 15 minutes of fame embarrassing himself by singing off-key or something), then switches to the famous "Dramatic Gopher."

After that, we have the now hackneyed dork who thinks he's a ninja and hurts himself, a nice ongoing nod to the Diet Coke and Mentos Experiments, followed by 155 T-Shirts Man, and I'll spare you the link, but is that a spoof of Britney, or Chris Crocker spoofing Britney, and then followed up with now classic "All your base are belong to us."

After that we move on to "Miss Teen USA South Carolina," (Sorry my S.C. relatives, but this girl is a blight on your fair state) which awesomely morphs into light saber play. You have to love the producer at 1:38. Is that really Kevin Federline? Nice to see that he can make fun of himself, but does he get the joke?

Daft Hands lead out Daft Bodies on the chorus. The final crazy scene of the video has the instant internet classic "Charlie the Unicorn" in the background followed by PB&J. There are probably more new-media pop culture references in there, but I'm too lazy to strip them all out and find the links. From what I've got here, you get the idea, though. Anyway, the song is really catchy, and has a nice nerd-rebel message. To end my review of the video, I will use one word: Brilliant.

Now to the brief social commentary. The reason the Pork and Beans video works is that my generation all watches these crappy videos and YouTube and constantly sends each other links to the latest outrageous vid we think we're so hip to have stumbled upon. We quote Homestar and say stupid words in daily speech like "p0wned," and just generally have turned into a homogenous bunch of sheep who all consume the exact same media. I hardly watch TV like I used to. I catch the episodes of Lost and The Office on the ABC and NBC websites.

My little brothers don't even watch TV besides sports, they just collect videos on their video iPods. They are the ones that introduced me to Chaaaarlie.

Liahona? Nope.

So, Liss and I sat down and watched The Golden Compass last weekend. What the heck?

I was expecting a little more out of it. First of all, the "popular Christian media" skewered this film for being Satanic, agnostic, and atheist because the little girl is fighting the "church" and killing "god" (notice the little g).

The real problem with the movie is that the main character has no redeeming qualities. Lyra hates being proper, hates education, and won't listen to counsel. She thinks she knows what's best for her, and is encouraged for being independent and at one point, is praised for lying. The only good thing she does the entire movie is remain loyal to her friend. Blah.

This was a kid's film? Freaking violent. One bear knocked another's lower jaw off! Good glory. What little kid needs to see that? Then, in the final scene, you have souls exploding. It was actually quite graphic.

All in all, I don't think I'd want my little E to see it, and not because it's got an atheist author and an atheist bent. It just sucks.

Another Reason American Music is Dying

American Idol. That is all.

The Cycle of the British Rock Band

Coldplay comes out with a new album next week (that's the cover art to the left there), and to promote it, they have been offering the first single on the album, "Violet Hill," for free download on their website.

It seems like a decent track. I've only given it a half-dozen listens (so I'm just getting started on it), but I feel like I can make a few comments. The vocals remind me of . . . [gasp] . . . Phil Collins of Genesis, especially at the beginning. I think it's just the echo-ey vocal track.

The other thing that is different about this song, is that it has a really driving beat, harsh electric guitars, and thumping bass, almost overwhelming the Coldplay patented piano until the very end when the songs winds down into tinkling piano and soft voices.

All this harshening got me to thinking. What is it about Brit Rock that makes them run the music cycle? Hark back to the Beatles. They started all poppy and sweet, started rocking harder and harder, then became drug addicts and gave us trippy crap like Revolution 9 and the whole Revolver album.

I don't really care for the Beatles, but I do love U2. They've done their own cycle: love songs to rebel music to alternative to dance and back to more classic guitar rock. Edge keeps innovating and reinventing.

Radiohead started as Britain's guitar crunch, went jazz alternative on OK Computer, then went techno with Kid A, and have slowly been working their way back to the latest album In Rainbows, which I've had on constant rotation as I do dishes since it came out.

Now Coldplay is morphing. They've been doing it since their first album, but it was pretty gradual before. The next wave looks like it may skip two clicks on the evolutionary scale.

Maybe the cycle is why I like British rock. They innovate; they reinvent themselves. Look at Blur, for goodness sake. You don't see wussy American rockers experimenting to that extent, and that's why American rock is dying. Download that, RIAA.

Weapons of Mass Distraction

This last week in church, during the Elder's Quorum lesson, a little girl, a few months younger than Eli, wandered to the front of the room. Since we meet in the Primary Room in our Ward, there are all sorts of fun things with which to play. Little Julia walked to the front of the room with confidence and panache, picked up the stool the kids use to reach the podium, and proudly walked down the aisle with it. Every eye in the room was on this kid, and the teacher even made a comment about it that I could tell really derailed his train of thought.

The reason I mention this is that it has become clear to me that I will never be able to work from home.

Even if I have my own office in the basement some day, with all the materials I will need to lawyer like it's going out of style, food for a week, and the hum of fluorescent lighting to keep me awake (and zombify me), I won't be safe. Somehow, sometime, when I least expect it, I will be assaulted by weapons of mass distraction:



Not that it's all bad. Today I took Eli for two consecutive rounds of disc golf. By the last 5 holes, he had had enough. Every time Rinker would putt, Eli would say, "No, No, Nooooo." Sometimes I can use him to my advantage.

Try to be Clever

I have decided that with finals quickly approaching and the bar in the not-so-distant future, I need to put more pressure on myself to be clever . . . so I started a blog. Brilliant move, right?

I'll try to make this a bit of a window into the vortex in my brain, and perhaps get some organization and outlet to my madness.

I'll review books and movies, talk about music a lot, and discuss disc golf until you can't stand it. I may complain about modern life and anything I feel like complaining about.

For a first post, I'd like to discuss blogging. I love reading my friends' blogs when I've run out of disc golf-related material on the internet. The reason I love it is that everyone waxes so stinkin' philosophical in their posts, and it is really cool to see how creative and intelligent people can be. Nobody talks like this. We've all turned into Jerry Seinfeld monologues.

I love living in the information age, as long as it doesn't get too personal. For instance, I keep my e-mail open the entire time I'm studying, and glance at it from time to time. I like chatting with people over Google's Gmail Chat or AOL. The dichotomy is that I'm dreading the day I have to carry a cell phone. It's easy to be clever and have your stuff together with text-based communication. With the cell, you're thinking on your feet, so it's really only good for quick fact-based conversations. There is something richer about text somehow because of the opportunity to really think before you have to reply. And it's easy to ignore people you don't want to talk to but are too polite to block.

I'm also addicted to Wikipedia, but that is another subject for another day.

There's one thing that annoys me with blogging, though. It's the comments. Not the content of the comments, rather the mode. For instance, it should be impossible to post an anonymous comment on a blog. If it forces you to invent a pseudonym, that's all fine and good, but there is nothing worse than reading a heated argument on some political forum between anonymous and . . . anonymous.

And the security for comments is usually annoying, too. In order to keep web bots from making obscene comments (and I consider most commercial speech obscene) the comments section has a graphic that contains letters and numbers that are not machine-readable, to ensure a real person is posting instead of some rat bastage spammer. Unfortunately, half the time I can't read the codes in the graphics, either. Is that the letter "l" or is it the number "1?" Depending on the font, they may be identical, and only your keyboard knows the difference. When I get the code wrong the first time (maybe I need a new optical prescription), red text pops up that says something like, "YOU ARE EITHER A THIEF OR AN IDIOT, AND EITHER WAY, THE PRESSURE IS ON, BECAUSE IF YOU BLOW IT AGAIN, YOUR 14 PAGES OF WITTY BANTER WILL BE FOREVER LOST." It makes me feel a bit nervous, like I'm some sort of cat burglar sneaking past the security guard, and if I don't correctly navigate the laser field, the chamber will seal and slowly fill with sarin (if you don't know what that is, look it up on Wikipedia).